October 24, 2009
Grade Card Beckons Red-Letter Day
By Toni Lapp
There have been times that I doubted whether my 16-year-old son with Asperger’s, intelligent as he is, would be destined for college. When he reached the age when his teachers started giving out homework, I began receiving notices that assignments had not been turned in. Heck, sometimes I’d get notices that assignments that he’d completed in class hadn’t been turned in; they somehow got lost between his desk to the teacher’s inbox.
The irony is that his intellect has always been a source of pride for him. He loves books and learning. As a middle schooler, he could talk at length about the differences between Trotsky and Marx, yet he brought home failing grades in History.
Mystified, I would look through his binder and find sheaves of papers, half-finished assignments scattered among them — in no particular order. He would get agitated when I tried to help him organize. I would get agitated as I’d find more and more assignments that were ungraded — evidence that classwork was not being turned in.
I tried hiring a tutor; that didn’t work well. He was sullen and at times disrespectful. I tried pestering his case manager at school to help organize him; that had mixed results.
And then, about a year ago, he began taking an interest in colleges. It became his special interest. Every week he would bring home new reference books borrowed from his school counselor that detailed colleges and universities. He would make lists, ranking his favorites — all well-known universities on the coasts. It seemed ludicrous, given his grades. I told him so.
And then I listened to myself. Not only was I being negative, but I was missing an opportunity to motivate him. So, this summer we toured two colleges: the very small College of the Ozarks and the very large University of Kansas. (I resisted wearing my MU spiritwear on the latter tour.) Yes, I had to mute a negative voice inside my head that was saying it was almost cruel to dangle college as a possibility for a student who had nary seen a B in two years of high school, much less an A.
Although neither of these institutions rated highly with him, he enjoyed the tours, and as we admired the beauty of the campuses, I could tell he was picturing himself as a student walking the grounds. He seemed to stand taller as our tourguide at KU told us about how graduates march up the Hill on commencement day. Shortly after, he began calculating his GPA under various scenarios — such as getting straight A’s from here on out.
The upshot is, this year, his junior year, I noticed I was receiving far fewer notices from the teachers about missing work. I have always asked for weekly e-mails with status updates; this year, some of the teachers e-mailed to tell me positive things! There were a few times he fell behind, but he actually went to his teachers ON HIS OWN and advocated for himself! (This is probably just as important as turning in work promptly.)
Needless to say, I was thrilled with his first quarter grade card, received Friday: All A’s and B’s! He didn’t let me hug him, but he did allow me to pat him on the back.
I’m not writing about this to brag; parenting a special needs child can be hit or miss, and sometimes it feels like I’ve scored more misses than not. I do want to point out that it helps to be positive, and try to link educational attainment with some of the good things that will follow. Anyway, I’m no longer doubting that my son will go to college. For me, the only question is, which one?
Yeahhh, Ryan — and Toni — for staying positive. Check out Westminster College in Fulton, MO, a very cool college with wonderful support for students with all sorts of neurological conditions. Plus, for history buffs, it’s where Winston Churchill made his famous Iron Curtain speech, and there’s a museum commemorating that.
Kate