February 23, 2010
Group’s ‘Hot Topics’ are About Working with Autism
By Toni Lapp
There have been times that I couldn’t picture my teen-age son Ryan maturing into a responsible adult. When he entered high school he would converse about communism and the Bolshevik revolution to strangers, he had few friends, and he was frequently the target of his peers’ jokes. Seldom did a week go by that I didn’t get the dreaded Parent@School notice apprising me of missed assignments.
Everything I tried to do only seemed to make matters worse. He didn’t want me interrupting his diatribes, if I tried to intervene with the bullying he resented that, and nagging him about missed classwork just caused him to dig his heels in and insist on working at his own pace.
Such was the situation when we received an invitation to attend the eight-week “Hot Topics” program run by local educator/writer extraordinaire, Kate Duffy, and her husband Tom Thirlkel, a social worker.
They gather teens and young adults — ages 15 to 25 — with high-functioning autism and Asperger’s Syndrome and meet in an area restaurant once a week to discuss career topics and work on problem-solving skills.
Initially, there was some resistance. I had to cajole Ryan to go that first night to the meeting, which was held at a TGIFriday’s. When the hostess greeted us and I explained that Ryan was there to meet with a group, he actually muttered some choice words at me and turned as if to go back to the car.
I’m glad I didn’t cave in and let him go.
Once there, he was warmly welcomed by Kate and Tom, who led him to a section that had been reserved for the dozen or so participants. I prepared to leave, but wandered surreptitiously back to check on Ryan, who had settled in at a table with three other young men. After that first week, he looked forward to going back.
At Hot Topics meetings, no one made fun of him for his narrow interests in history and politics. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t like making eye contact during conversation. Many other participants had the same monotone voice, the same half-smiles.
In short, “There were people like me,” he says.
Bonus: I allotted him a stipend each evening to spend as he wished on dinner. Being entrusted to settle his own check gave him a sense of responsibility.
Their first “assignment” was to take another participant’s phone number and call him or her up during the week. Other tasks involved researching potential careers and assessing their own vocational skills and learning styles.
Many of the parents connected outside of the group, commiserating over dinner as our sons and daughters learned about themselves. It was a relief to be able to talk about our parenting experiences with people who were nonjudgmental.
Since that first session last January, Ryan has gradually adopted a healthier approach to school and has been less rigid in his approach to socializing (i.e., no monologues on the Bolsheviks). It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen.
Kate, a mother of two young men with Asperger’s, and Tom have since worked with 40 youngsters and their families in their program. They are preparing to start another eight-week session beginning this Sunday (February 28). If interested, contact Kate and Tom by e-mail at developingtalents@gmail.com, or phone, 816-753-2636.
