SPECTRUM CONNECTION

By Toni Lapp

Think back to when you were preparing to make the transition from grade school to middle school (or junior high, if you were like me). Chances are, your social interactions gave you an inkling of what to expect. Perhaps you had older friends who were in upper grades, or maybe you had friends whose older siblings shared advice.

Reading the newly published “Middle School: The Stuff Nobody Tells You About,” I’m reminded of what a jarring change the shift to middle school can be for girls — on and off the spectrum. However, girls on the spectrum are at a natural disadvantage because they often do not have the social circles — and hence, the information shared in these networks — that typical kids have.

Adolescent girls on the spectrum need all the information they can get, and local publisher Autism Asperger Publishing Co. (AAPC) serves it up in this book, written and illustrated by Haley Moss, who at 15, surely knows the material well. Indeed, she tells of attending three different middle schools, switching schools between 6th and 7th grades and 7th and 8th grades.

The author writes with brutal honesty, which any person on the spectrum will appreciate: “The ‘friendship front’ isn’t good for me at all times because of constantly changing friends,” she tells the reader at the outset. Each chapter features advice from her on the selected topic (example: good habits before school starts, changing classes, lockers, and so forth) as well as a teacher’s perspective and advice from other girls on the spectrum.

Here’s a sampling of Haley’s advice:

* On hallway etiquette: “On the way to class, there may be kids who bang into you in the hall. Try to stay cool and don’t hit or push back. In most cases, this is an accident, as the hallways and walkways are crowded with kids rushing to and from classes.”

* On showing off knowledge in class: “Sometimes it is best not to raise your hand at all, even if you know every answer.”

* On friendships: “In addition to friends and acquaintances, there are ‘frenemies.’ These are people who may pretend to be your friends but are mean and talk about you behind your back.”

Haley describes her first day at a new school with great detail, referring to a seatmate from one class as “World History Girl,” and telling of her relief that the girl finds her at lunch. “I don’t know if I can pull this social stuff off,” she writes. “I tend to be shy and a loner, and she is very shy and very self-confident.”

While boys can relate to many aspects of the book, it is intended for girls. Haley talks about the need to keep spare change handy to purchase sanitary napkins, for instance. She also talks of the importance of looking fashionable, so other girls will be nice (and refers more than once to the movie “Mean Girls” as being instructive).

I initially found Haley’s anime-inspired cover illustration to be somewhat out of sync with the topic, until I read in the preface that her mother first told her she had autism by telling her she had magical powers. Indeed, those reading her work may agree.

By Toni Lapp
There have been times that I doubted whether my 16-year-old son with Asperger’s, intelligent as he is, would be destined for college. When he reached the age when his teachers started giving out homework, I began receiving notices that assignments had not been turned in. Heck, sometimes I’d get notices that assignments that he’d completed in class hadn’t been turned in; they somehow got lost between his desk to the teacher’s inbox.

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By Toni Lapp

Kids with special needs have often been relegated to the sidelines on the field of athletic achievement. Thanks to a program pioneered by the YMCA,  more special-needs kids in the KC area are getting to experience the thrill of sports for the first time.

Last night, I enjoyed being the one on the sidelines as the second season of YMCA’s Challenger bowling league came to a close at AMF Lanes in Overland Park. Kids with various disabilities could be seen squealing with delight as they watched pins scatter. One wheelchair-bound child rolled up to the line and against the odds, pull off an impossible split.

Although they won’t be featured on Metro Sports anytime soon, it was inspiring to see these kids — who we all know are typically shunned by their able-bodied peers — high-fiving each other and their volunteer buddies in victory.
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By Toni Lapp

Children with Asperger’s syndrome, on the outside, look like typical children, which can be a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing in that they blend in — at least on the surface — with their neurotypical peers in mainstream schools. The curse is that beneath the surface they are frequently dealing with issues such as depression and ADHD, prompting parents to seek accommodations (hence the term “special needs”).

One of my son’s classmates at Shawnee Mission East, 17-year-old Connor Rice, is an example. Because he’s struggled with anxiety — in addition to having Asperger’s syndrome — his mother, Denise Rice, had obtained an “attendance waiver” to excuse him from excessive absences.
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By Toni Lapp
Last spring about this time was one of the most difficult periods I’d experienced as a parent of a child on the spectrum. It was my son’s freshman year at high school, and the transition from middle school had been difficult. I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say that there had been disciplinary issues and we were grappling with the appropriate measures to take with a child for whom normal rewards and punishments didn’t seem to apply.

There were times when I hated the circumstances I found myself in, but, even worse, I couldn’t commiserate with others who I felt would judge me as an ineffective parent for not being in better control.

And then I met another mother at my workplace who also had a son with Asperger’s syndrome.
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